15 Telltale signs that he really isnt into you.

Last night I was having a few cocktails with a few girlfriends when one of my friends made a comment about the couple sat opposite our table. As we would later find out, it seemed she had been watching the couple from the very minute they walked into the bar. 

My friend made a comment which got me thinking out loud for the duration of the evening. She remarked on how uncouth and un-gentlemanly she thought the guy In the couple was due to the fact that he had not held the door open for his female companion and neither had he pulled out her chair for her on reaching their table.

As someone who believes in gender equality, at first I thought my friend had absolutely gone mad, but as the evening progressed and we continued to examine the gestures and body language of the couple, it soon became apparent that the guy was indeed, ‘uncouth and un-gentlymanly’.

This then led us to think up a list of do’s and dont's when it comes to dating. Bear in mind that we came up with the list after about 5 or 6 cocktails, so I MUST apologise in advance if some of the ideas seem somewhat radical- these are the views of 5 very intoxicated women, 6 if you include myself, although I remain objective on two or three of the points made here, given that they are slightly old fashioned and somewhat...for want of a better word....wacky!  (also note that a sample of 5/6 may not be very representative of the total female population…)

Is he really that into you? - 15 tell-tale signs that he really isn’t into you.

1. When you go out on dates, does he open doors for you or let it slam in your face?

A guy who is into you would really want to make the right impression. The only problem here is that, chivalry is dead and a lot of men don’t seem to have the manners that were once held to be the norm.

2. Does he make an effort to organise your dates or just turns up wherever and hopes for the best?

If a guy is into you, he will make the effort to plan your date, especially in the beginning of a relationship. If he isn’t making the effort now for the little things- he probably never will. 
 

      3. Does he take pride in his appearance and compliments you on yours?

A guy who is into you will really want to make the right impression. Just like a woman would spend hours picking out an outfit for a date, a guy who is into you would make the effort for you. If he isn’t making an effort- he isn’t into you.

4. Does he call you after the date, (within 24 hrs? /48hrs) or just ignores you until your next date?

A guy who is into you will call you. He will want to know that you are still interested and happy to go on another date. If he isn’t calling you, he isn’t too interested about what you think of him and therefore....he's just not that into you.

5. Does he hold your hand in public or insists that he isn’t into public displays of affection?

Ok, so you have been dating for a few months and he still wont show any PDA…. ?! A guy who is into you will show some kind of affection, even if it is just to hold your hand. 
     

      6. Does he call you to see how your day has been or return your calls?

He is just not that into you if he isn’t calling you. There is no two ways about it. If a guy likes you, you will be on his mind and he will be picking up that phone to call you. If he can’t be bothered to pick up the phone to call you, this is pretty much how the rest of your relationship will go- he won’t be bothered to make the effort to do the little things…so be weary.

 7. Is all he wants to ever do is hang out at yours or his flat, instead of going out and doing things together ?

Beware of falling into this trap. This is the friends with benefit category. Once you’re in this category, I’m afraid there’s no turning back.

      8. After a few months of dating, does he introduce you as his ‘friend’, ‘your name’ or ‘girlfriend’? 

       I don't think I need to explain the significance of this... It's time to define the relationship so everyone knows where they stand.  

9. Does he communicate only via text and email or whatever app available to mankind.

By doing this, he isn’t really trying to get to know you and that's because he's just not into you.

10. Does he only ever make last minute plans to see you?

Guess what? You are just his plan b. Make yourself a prority, not an option! 

11. If you have been dating for a few months and you still haven’t met any of his friends- then be weary. A guy who is into you will want to show you off to his friends.

12. Does he protect/hide his phone from you?

A guy with secrets will want to keep his phone away from you. If he won’t let you go near his phone- then there is a reason for it- you won’t like what you find on it!!!

13. Is he always too busy to see you?

A guy who is into you WILL make the time to see you, otherwise- he's just not into you.

14. He takes forever to reply to your texts or calls.

This is one that 4/5 in the group complained about when it comes to dating. A text takes less than 10 seconds to write. A simple line in a text doesnt take much out of his day. If he isn't replying to your messages or taking hours to do so, I'm afraid you're not high on his priorities.  If he is too busy to respond, he is probably just ignoring you. Take a hint.

15. And last but not least- If he makes promises and never follows through, guess what? He just not that into you.

Ok, that’s the list done, or at least most of what I can remember. NB- as aforementioned, I have tried to remain objective on this issue... and I hope I haven’t offended the male population. 

I do however think some of the points on the list do have some truth to them however they can’t be held as gospel because every couple is different and you really shouldn’t rely on someone else’s opinion to define your relationship. So- to my drunken girlfriends, sober up. Relationships can be tough and it requires both parties to make an equal amount of effort. Having said this, I think men sometimes need to understand that women are emotional beings, so please take the time to understand us, and if you can’t, just accept us.

Now guys- go and read my blog piece- ‘woman are confusing’. Need I say more?

Happy birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

Nothing but a number.

They say age is nothing but a number and if you don’t mind it doesn’t matter, but why do I feel a knot in my stomach at the mention of this year being the last year of my 20's. The scary fact is that no matter what I do, I will never be as young I am at this moment, and that whether I chose to accept it or not, time waits for no man.

Having said all this and tried to persuade myself that aging is all part of growing up and the circle of life, why do I feel such dread at the prospect of moving on to the next phase of my life. With so many possibilities, I feel butterflies every time I think of where I could be in 10 years, who I could be with and what life will throw at me.

The unknown, the expectations, and assumptions and presumptions- all intertwined in this big ball which causes me nothing but indigestion mixed with some level of excitement. At what age do you really have to say goodbye to youth and focus on the rest of your life. When do you know if you are ready to grow up and who says we have to grow up anyway.... or choose the path that will lead you to our last days.


The fact is, even though I am fast approaching the dreaded 30 (I unapologetically exclaim), I still feel youthful and the thought of reaching certain milestones in my life makes it harder for me to comprehend that although I feel the presence of a cascading youth, life doesn’t stop, aging is not optional nor is it elective. 

I suppose the main reason I sometimes fear getting older can be down to the expectations I set for my self at a very young age. As a child, I would often day dream of how my life would turn out, but you see, those fairytales have now faded away, the sugar coated rainbow of hazy dreams have now lost its flavour and reality has set in and as I reach the edge of all my expectations, it seems many of those ideas I set for myself have not exactly taken the route I expected. This is not necessary a bad thing, but for someone with my level of impatience, it often seems as though I am a kid in a candy shop and I am only allowed a piece of candy at a time, when everyone around me seems to have their bags full of all the flavoursome mouth-watering candy they can get their mits on.
So- as each day goes by, and I get closer to the other side, I have a sinking feeling that I am losing control of it all, but life goes on and people get older, fall in love, have opportunities and pitfalls, ups and downs - and this is what makes us human, so I guess patience is the word of the day and I will just have to embrace it all otherwise I will falter through the inertia of the snail crawling pace of which I call my life- so here is to the rest of my life and its beauties that come along the way, no matter how long it takes.

I feel as though I am drowning, I feel it everyday,
This thing, so invisible and yet so visible around me,
It takes control, slowing breaking me down,
Slowly losing myself and bound by this invisible inevitability,
Trying to break free, with eyes closed, moving closer and closer,
But these chains pulls me even closer to the edge.
 
As I swim across the vast ocean of possibilities,
I am alone, for there is no return, no one to take me back to the start,
I am stuck in the moment, but wishing this moment would last a lifetime,
I embrace it not, but it forces its brace over me,
Pulling me into the depths, deeper and deeper,
I scream but no one hears my cries,
Only the shadows turn to look at me,
But they laugh- for this is a hopeless game,
With only one inevitability and one outcome
 
I try to stay adrift, struggling to escape my convictions,
Treading the purple waters, ink soaked with words of my hopes for the future,
but my strength fails me, for my words are too profound,
I sink, I am submerged to the depths of the ocean full of dreams,
Into the darkness I go, trying to hold on to something that will make it all stop,
But as I reach the underside, all hope is not lost for I am alive still, I survive and life goes on.